Artigas

 Known facts and history: 

We have it on the highest authority that Artigas:

-Runs a successful helicopter tour company. Marxists ride for free.

- has a twelve year-old girlfriend that is also a prostitute. "Some people claim that's the best kind of 12-year-olds, I'm on the fence about that" -Artigas

"I meet her at night when I go to my grandmother's town, I also use those opportunities to supply her with drugs" -Artigas

- does gay things under the table.

- loves bongo drums.

-[Insert joke about communism here]